Thank you for our anonymous contributor. You have written such a wonderful piece on the daily struggles that you go through with your bipolar disorder. Hopefully this will allow for more patience and consideration in the future.
For a person without the condition their line of equilibrium is like a sound wave that can go up and down at regular intervals as they go throughout their day. Their line can be interrupted by the environment around them, for example, an argument, work or excitement.
Whereas if you look a person with bipolar, their line can go from one extreme to the other in quick succession, sometimes an argument can take the line to the highest frequency and remain there for days. You have to be careful with your interactions with others and habits as vices such as smoking and drug addiction are common.
I have found it has turned me into a deep thinker, which can have its benefits, such as seeing situations from everyone’s points of view and how they must feel. The negatives do make you feel like your opinions and preferences don’t matter.
You realise you have a condition that can alter your perception in a split second. The anxiety kicks in when it’s time to make the simplest of decisions such as going to buy food, or making a big purchase. Constantly asking yourself if it’s the right decision. You lose the ability to trust your own judgement.
If I was to ask you; What is the most important thing in life? Love? Money?
I think trusting yourself is the most important, it’s like an alcoholic who can’t be around alcohol. How do you get away from your own mind?
Sometimes some things work better than others, meditation, talking with others, different surroundings or doing something creative as it focuses your mind.
When the mood is tilted to the extreme, these become negatives, talking with others, they don’t understand and can never understand how desperate a small incident can push you over the edge. In their eyes you have an "extreme" reaction, which only further isolates you from them. Being on "high alert" for the perceived danger can be exhausting and makes for sleepless nights and further isolation.
You don’t need to look to others for the "right way" to handle yourself. You take every day as it comes and you have to be patient with yourself, in every situation. Allow yourself to feel stressed, give yourself permission to feel the way you feel.
Be understanding to yourself, that you are dealing with a different version of yourself from minute to minute. It’s a constant battle but it helps when winning the war.
Thank you so much for your blog.
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